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Branch Manager vs Customer and Modi’s Jan Dhan Yojana

Let Us Learn Jan Dhan Yojana Through An Intelligent Customer

(On Lighter Note)



Rajesh Goyal 

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I am sharing some interesting skit received by me.   It tells about the dilemma being faced by Branch Managers in implementation of the new Jan Dhan Yojana launched without proper preparations and infrastructures.    A scheme launched with good intentions may become a thorn for the banks and later on for government.  There is a need to immediately introspect and issue the necessary clarifications.  Let the speed be controlled as there is well known saying :  SPEED  THRILLS   BUT  ALSO  KILLS.

Anyway, as bankers need to keep up their spirits high even in gloomy mood, we provide the following fodder for all the serving bankers to learn about Jan Dhan Yojana


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Customer / Banker

Hindi Version

English Version *

Customer Jan dhan me khata khulwana hai  I want to open an account under Jan Dhan
Banker Khulwao Go ahead
Customer Kya ye 0 balance me khul raha h  Is it a zero balance account?
Banker ( man hi man me .. Sale pata Nahi h kya tujhe). Han Ji free me khulwao (He thinks in heart –Sale, do you not know this) – Yes Sir, you can get it open free
Customer  Isme sarkar kitne paise dalegi  ? How much money will government pay in this scheme?
Banker Ji abhi to kuch pata Nahi

Sir, it is still not known 

Customer To me ye khata kyun khulwao ?  Then Why should I get the account opened?
Banker Ji mat khulwao Ok Sir, then do not open
Customer Phir bhi sarkar kuch to degi Still I assume Government will give something
Banker  Apko free me ATM de denge Yes, you will get free ATM
Customer Jab usme paise hi Nahi honge to me ATM ka kya karunga 

When there will will be no money, what will I do with ATM

Banker Paise dalwao bhaiya tumhara khata hai You put the money, Sir, it is your own account.

Mere pas paise hote to me pahle khata nahi khulwa leta. Tum khata khol rahe ho to tum dalo na paise

Had I owned money, I would have opened the account much earlier.  Now you are opening the account, why you do not deposit money too.
Banker Are bhai sarkar khulwa rahi h It is not me who is asking to open the account, it is as per instructions of Government
Customer To ye sarkari bank nahi hai Is it not a Government bank?
Banker Are bhai sarkar tumhara insurance free me kar rahi hai... Pure 1 lakh ka Sir, Government will is giving insurance of full Rs 1 lakh also
Customer ( Khush hote huye) Acha to ye 1 lakh mujhe kab milenge (Feeling happy) When can  I get Rs 1 lakh?
Banker (Gusse me) Jab ap mar jaoge to apki bivi ko milenge (Feeling angry) It will be your wife who will get when you die.
Customer (Shocked) - To tum log mujhe marna chahte ho, aur meri bivi se tumhara kya matlab h (Shocked) – You want I should die?  What interest you have in my wife?
Banker  Are bhai ye hum nahi sarkar chahti hai ki..... Sir, this I am not desiring, it is the desire of Government …..

( bich me baat kat te huye) Tumhara matlab sarkar mujhe marna
chahti h

(interprets) You mean Government wants to murder me?
Banker  Are yaar mujhe nahi pata tumko khata khulwana hai kya Angrily – I do not know.  Do you want to open account?

Nahi pata ka kya matlab ....mujhe puri baat batao

How dare you say I do not know.  Tell me the full truth
Banker Are abhi to mujhe bi puri Baat nahi pata hai.... Modi ne kaha hai ki khate kholo to hum khol rahe hai Sir, even I am not full aware of these…..We are opening the account as Modi desires so.

Are nahi pata to yahan kyon baithe ho ( Jan dhan ke poster ki aur dekhte huye).. Acha ye 5000 ka overdraft kya hai

If you do not know, then why you are sitting here.   Then pointing towards the Jan Dhan poster, what is this Rs 5000 overdraft?
Banker Matlab tum apne khate se 5000 nikal sakte ho..... It means you can withdraw upto Rs 5000 from your account

( bich me baat kat te huye) Ye hui na bat ye lo aadhaar card ,2 photo aur nikalo 5000

(again interpets ) Ok, then take this Aadhar Card, 2 Photos and give me Rs 5000/-
Banker Are yaar ye to 6 mahine baad melange Friend, this you will get after six months
Customer To 6 mahine in paison ko kya tum kam me loge This means, for six months you will use this money for yourself

Bhaiya ye rupaye hi 6 mahine baad ayenge

Brother, this money will come to us only after six months

JHut mat bolo pahle bola ki kuch Nahi milega.... Phir kaha ATM milega..... Phir bola insurance milega .. Phir bolte ho 5000 rs. Milenge..... Phir kahte ho ki Nahi milenge ...... Tum he kuch pata bhi hai


Do not tell a lie.  First you tell, you will not get anything,  then you tell you will ATM.  Then you told insurance will be given.  Then you telll Rs 5000 will be given.  Then you tell you will not get . Do you really know anything ?

Banker bechara- Ayo ma ..... Kanun ki kasam ..... Bharat mata ki kasam mai sach kahta hoon modi ji ne abhi kuch Nahi bataya...... Tum chale jao....


Khuda ki kasam tum jaao meri salary itni nahi ki ek saath




Poor banker – Oh My God, I swear by Bharat  Mata,  I swear by my mother, I am telling truth, Modi ji has till not told us anything about all these.  Please go away.

I swear by God, please go, my salary is not sufficient as to I get my treatment for  Brain hemorrhage and Heart Attack - simulatenously

 Lesson of the Story :   UFBU please convince Modiji to  get honurable salary increase so that bankers can at least get their treatment for diseases as a fall out of Jan Dhan Scheme - As the Speed of Implementation Will Certainly Thrill the Government But Can  Kill Many Bankers

·         Approximate translation

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